1 post tagged “stuff.co.nz”

i read this awhile ago..

By RAYBON KAN
So last week, Britain announces it's pulling a quarter of its 7000 troops out of Iraq. You've got to imagine this doesn't go down well with the US. At once, British diplomats are summoned to the White House to stand on boxes while connected to light sockets.

And the very next day, eager to show they're pulling their weight, Britain announces it's not abandoning its special friend. It'll be replacing those withdrawn troops with, ahem, His Royal Highness Prince Harry.

The US Marines on the ground all breathe a sigh of relief. Sure, Britain is pulling 1500 men off the field. But look who's warming up on the sideline. Surely this is why they teamed up with Britain in the first place: so they could send Bond over to sort it out once and for all. I'm sure the Pentagon were wondering why it took Britain so long to send over its crack Royal troop.

Yes, this Bond's licence to kill may still be restricted. He is as fresh-faced as Harry Potter. But look at his pedigree. If this were Lord of the Rings, all the other soldiers in Iraq would ride up to inspect the newcomer in his sparkling camouflage make-up: this boy prince who, in fine British fashion, has all his life been queueing up patiently for the throne.

While his older brother gets credit for the quality of his girlfriend, this younger sapling would prove himself as royals did of old.

Astride his diamond- encrusted, camouflaged horse, he would receive the tribute of his comrades: "Hurrah, Prince Harry, we thought we were hopelessly outnumbered until you arrived. Your father was a great warrior."

And while the embedded paparazzi captured the moment, Harry, squinting through the flashbulbs, would reply: "You knew James Hewitt?"

Still, sending Prince Harry to Iraq does raise questions. Is this about him getting equal treatment as a soldier, or getting proper protection as potential British head of state? Why have bodyguards if you're going to send him to the front line? Indeed, should A-list celebrities of any flavour go to war? Well, America would have to be in favour. How better to shut up those liberal Hollywood types than to send one of Britain's biggest names? Prince Harry could greenlight any war in the world.

Finally, a way to get E! Channel to cheerlead the war. Forget sexing up the dossier. How about sexing up the war itself with some red carpet. Nice blood red carpet. Certainly, I don't know if I'd want to be a soldier anywhere near Prince Harry in Iraq. You'd have to feel like an extra on Star Trek - you know they're not going to kill Captain Kirk.

In other British war news, their top arms manufacturer BAE Systems saw profit increase by a third last year, to more than one billion pounds. That's pounds, not dollars. Goes to show a strong currency doesn't always hurt exports. And that's profit, not turnover. And the year previous, 2005, was a banner year in its own right, with war going through the roof. New Zealand manufacturers take heed. Stop quibbling about the strength of the dollar. Start providing what the world is crying out for. Arms manufacture is a fantastic industry. These are products that nobody expects to last forever. Indeed, they're often designed to be one-use, disposable. They self-destruct. Two words: repeat business.

I don't mean to pick on arms dealers. I believe in capitalism. Profit is not evil. Profits sustain industry, and industry fuels jobs, and jobs feed families. There are British children becoming obese thanks to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Anyone who protests against the war should consider this. That would take food out of their mouths. Come to think of it, me too. I'm writing about the war right now, and I'm getting paid. So I'm making my living out of this war business as much as anyone else. Keep it up! There's only so many jokes I can squeeze out of Anna Nicole Smith.

Speaking of families, New Zealand is about to ban smacking. I'm not sure where I stand on this. After all, if you can't smack children, who can you smack? They're so small, and don't know how to tell on you. And afterwards, they still want you to cuddle them.

But you've got to wonder where this non-violence thing will lead. What if it produces a whole generation of kids who don't think violence is justified because someone knows better than you? That would ruin the whole war industry.

-taken from stuff.co.nz, dated 25th February 2007, Synday-

interesting ain't it?